No matter how well you think you prepare for labour, and indeed birth, nothing or no one can really prepare you for what it feels like.
Why? Because we are all different, we all have different pain thresholds; we all have different expectations and ideas as individuals but also according to our social and cultural backgrounds; we all have a different relationship and connection with our body.
From a professional but also very personal experience, there are 3 things that spring to mind when I'm asked for advice by mums expecting their first baby as to what to do, what to expect when in labour.
1. Trust your body and just let go
This is a particularly important point for the most physically fit and physically strong of all of you Strong Mamas. There you were so used to control your body and control the physical 'pain' you put it through in training and here you are in labour experiencing a pain that you cannot control in a body that seems to have a life of its own. So what do you do? You panic? You fight it?
Now, I was told when expecting my first child in my prenatal classes that I should not start pushing until full dilation. But what no one had told me is that a contraction feels like you're pushing except that it's your uterus doing the work. So needless to say I fought my contractions with all my strength, abdominals and pelvic floors alike. My strength and mind-body connection working against me and delaying dilation!
It is only when a midwife told me to allow the head of baby to help dilation that I started to let go and this time use my mind-body awareness to work for me and dilated fully almost like what felt immediately, after hours of labour.
I still believe that physical strength and fitness are great assets when it comes to labour, birth and recovery but only if you allow them to work for you, supporting what your body is naturally doing rather than trying to control it.
2. The power of visualisation
Once you accept that this is an event that you cannot control, that your body is doing what it needs to do to get this baby out, this is when tuning into that body and engaging that body mind connection can be useful and this is how you reclaim 'ownership'. I found the use of imagery and visualisation to be the most powerful tools. Contractions come and go like waves on the ocean shore so imagine yourself and or your baby riding a wave, allow it to slowly pull and lift you up to its crest and then pushing you safely to shore before it pulls you in and up again on the next contraction.
Each time the contraction ends, visualise your cervix opening like a lotus flower or visualise your baby's head dilating your cervix. The image of your uterus working like a swimming jelly fish, pulling and pushing is also very useful to understand how a contraction feels like a "pull /push".
With these ideas in mind, feel free to find you own images if the images of the sea and water are not for you; these should feel natural and safe to you.
3. Keep an open mind
When it comes to labour and birth, don't plan it like a wedding!.
Do anything and everything that makes you feel good and confident in preparation, express your wishes but be ready for the unexpected. Even If you don't get to use what you learnt in prenatal yoga or hypnobirthing, if you feel you can't do without pain relief although you attend regular triathlons, if you need a c-section although you'd spent months strengthening your core, you have not failed or wasted your time and money; anything that you have done during preparation will contribute to a healthier and happier you and baby during pregnancy and what comes after.